Muttering isn’t a good sign. It’s usually a curse, or a frustrated sentence I wish I could throw at another person (or even the world), but am afraid to utter in a louder voice for fear of being overheard.
Muttering means I’m saying things I’m ashamed to say.
Muttering means I’m angry or resentful, or hurt. And when I fill my interim spaces with hurtful mutterings, I harden my own heart towards others and even towards myself.
So the other day I challenged myself to murmur prayers instead of muttering. Simple ones–the Jesus prayer, or even just a “Lord, have mercy,” (perhaps just a little exasperated).
And my day was filled with little spaces of prayer and gratitude and asking for strength.
And I felt little less sorry for myself.
And I felt a little closer to God.
So instead of muttering the anger in my heart, I’m going to murmur the prayers I know to protect my heart and turn it towards God, when I can.