I thought I knew the prayer.
I was convinced that I could easily get up in the mornings and pray the prayer of St. Philaret that I have tacked by my bed. I had committed to this new habit so that I could begin my day focusing on the most important thing.
But when I got up in the early morning dark, I fumbled.
I got my flashlight out and shone it on the text. I remembered the next few lines.
And then I fumbled again.
I had to ask myself, then, if I really memorized the prayer by heart. I had to ask what prayer really was. If I memorized the prayer, would I know it even then?
I’ve almost completely memorized the prayer so that I can say it in the groggy waking moments of early morning.
But I still don’t know it yet. I need to write it on my heart–
“‘This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,’ declares the LORD. ‘I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.'”